Old Doll

Over Christmas break my mom and I are trying to clean the garage out and get rid of all the junk we don't need. We were working on that Monday evening and she asked me to take inside a load of old, broken China dolls. Some of them I remembered playing with when I was younger. They all had some sort of defect, but one specific doll caught my eye.
"That is the ugliest doll ever," I thought to myself. She had dull brown hair tangled in a huge mess. Her pale, blue-white face was stained with dirt, and she looked at me through tired, dirty eyes. Her body was made of cloth, and her worn-out China hands and feet hung on by sagging threads.
Mom followed me inside with a tube of super glue, instructing me on how to attach broken limbs. "This one," she said pointing to the ugly one, "is probably worth the most, so be extra careful with her."
"Worth the most??" I thought. "How can this be? Even if she is antique, she's just so ugly, no one would want her!"
So I grabbed a comb, wet a cotton ball, and got to work. First I wiped the dirt stains off her face, gently digging in the crevices around her lips and nose to work all the grime out. A faint pink started appearing in her cheeks, even though she was still ghostly pale. Next I tackled her hair, patiently working out each tangle and turning the dull brown into a shining auburn. Her eyes still conveyed an inner sadness but they held a touch of hope in them.
All the while I had this growing feeling that this doll was really me. I've let dirt get on my face and scar my beauty. I've drifted away from God, hiding myself in an out-of-the-way drawer to keep people from seeing what I've really become. No one must know all the times I've brushed aside my conscience and told myself I don't care. No one can know all the times I've felt the yearning tug of the Holy Spirit on my heart and refused to open, telling him to give up; I'm a hopeless case anyways. No one can see it. No one can truly know. That is the me in the drawer.
And there I sat, tenderly cleaning the doll, while God sat there lovingly asking to permission to come in and clean me.  Then I made a startling discovery. As I combed the underside of her hair, my finger caught on a hard object on her otherwise cloth back.  Taking a closer look, I realized she was much more than just an old doll; she was a music box too!
I listened while she ticked out the melody she was made to sing. It made me feel like singing or crying, I'm not sure which.  God made me beautiful, and He gave me a beautiful song to sing. I might have made decisions that "messed up my hair" or "got dirt on my face," but the truth is, God is just waiting. He knows my inner beauty, even when I've forgotten.  He knows the song I was made to sing, even when I've forgotten the tune. He is just waiting to teach me again. I am invaluable in His eyes. He gave His Life for this old, dirty doll. It breaks His heart and mine when I reject His song for my life.
Lord, I give you my life and my song. Clean me and use me for Your work. Please. I need You.

Almost Christmas Break!

"Almost Christmas break" are three words everyone loves to hear. The words "Finals due" are almost synonymous, yet hated just as much as the other words are loved.
After staying up late all last weekend to spend time with Cora in Wally World, I had to stay up till 2:30 last night to finish my Bible project. Guess what. It still didn't get done. I can't work at night. My brain has already shut off.  It was due today, and it's still not done. I'm such a procrastinator! I had totally planned to get it done last weekend, but I forgot I was going to be in Walla Walla. So I got 3 hours of sleep last night, and am staying up again in the hopes of completing it. But I'm not going to. I'm going to bed right now. I hate writing papers anyways.
I wonder how many times God is just waiting to help me till I ask Him, and I never do. Tis a shame. I'm sure I would get things done a lot faster. "My strength is made perfect in your weakness," He says. Well, I've proved my weakness plenty of times. I just need to give Him a chance to prove His strength in my life.  Why is that so HARD sometimes? I don't know! I'm always happier when I do... I'm just struggling trusting Him right now, I guess.
Once this week is over, things will be a lot easier. Then again, if they were always easy, I would never learn to trust in Jesus. And if I never learn to trust in Jesus, how will I be able to stand in the last days? Thank you so MUCH for giving me this finals week, Father. I need it. We all need our "purifying" moments. Even if they aren't the most pleasant. We have to just keep trusting, and letting Him prove His power in our lives.

Christmas Concert

The 8-12th grade Christmas concert was tonight. It went really well. The band songs were lots of fun. We have a new choir teacher, Mrs. Grant, and she really got everyone to sing out. We've had a problem with being heard in previous years, so that was really good. One of the fun, lively songs we sang was "Fum, Fum Fum."
At the end of the program, the audience kept clapping and clapping, so Mr. White, our principal, asked us to do an encore. "Do the Rum Rum Rum one. I liked it!" He said.
"Rum, Rum, Rum?? It was Fum, Fum Fum, Mr. White!"  . . . Silly Mr. White! He was very embarrassed, but took his slip-up very gracefully.
So we sang it. "On December five and twenty, Rum! Rum! Rum! On the day that Christ was born we sing with joy this happy morn. With the bells of heaven ringing, all the angels now are singing Rum! Rum! Rum!
The audience went wild with laughter, and we about died. There were just a couple people keeping the choir composed, because I couldn't sing for the life of me! The laughter just coming up inside of me!
We finished the song and Mr. White came up again to thank us and dismiss everyone. He was still red. It was wonderful. 'Twas one of the best things thats ever happened at any Christmas concerts I've ever been in.
=D Merry Christmas!!!

There Goes Another One!

This basketball season started off really strong with 12 girls signing up. Mr. Brassington, our coach, says that is a coach's dream number.

The original six (Laressa, Sissy, Carla, Laurel, Shamsheer, and Jenelle) have been playing together for 3 years, and we're pretty tight knit on the basketball court. The whole team from oldest (grade) to youngest is: Jojo, Laressa, Shamsheer (12th), Sissy, Carla, Jenelle, Laurel, Ramneet, Audrey, Kari, Jessica (10th), and Shayla (9th)

After the first practice, one of the new girls decided it wasn't her thing and quite.  Down to 11.
Last Thursday, genius Jenelle was having a race with Joey from one end of the gym to the other. This was all dandy and fine, but she is so competitive that she didn't slow down at all before running into the wall. Her arms didn't like being used as cushion and one of them rebelled. So Jenelle is down with a broken arm.  Down to 10.
Then... [sigh] Tuesday we had a PE field trip to a trampoline gym. It was really neat! It had a place for playing dodgeball and a foam pit to do all sorts of fun flips into. Do you have a bad feeling about this? I do too.  I was last in line to give my consent form to the front desk, so other people had already been jumping when I first came into the trampoline court. Immediately I noticed a group huddled around someone in the middle of the room. "Shucks!" I thought, "Someone already got hurt. Too bad for them." But as I bounced closer, I realized who it was. "Noooo! Not Shamsheer! Anyone but Shammy!!!" She's the best at stealing balls at the top of the key and getting them down the court. She had landed half on the trampoline and half on the border and seriously injured her ankle. We put ice on it quickly, but it still swelled like a balloon. She and her sister Ramneet had to leave right away to go get an xray. We don't think its broken, but it was already too swollen to tell for sure. Down to 9.

Oh, and Laurel is having trouble with her ankle too, so she can't really run very much at this point, but that'll get better. She just has got to be really careful and take good care of it. 

[sigh] what a year! 

So the question is: Whose next?
I love my basketball team so much!
Never forget: Giraffes and Squirrels, the Apple Tree story, "I tink she died", human baseball, stalking  _______'s "hubby" Michael, and all the other crazy initiations. (Haha especially Laurel's wonderful acting skills :D) We are going to have so much fun initiating these new members at the Friendship Tournament!!

Christmas Banquet

Oh happy night. Night of magic and bliss. Senior year, Christmas banquet.
Okay, it wasn't all that. But it was lots of fun. When everyone heard it was going to be in the school art room, people wondered how on earth we were going to make it elegant at all. The ART room? Of all places! But they didn't know what we were going to do with it!
By the time everyone arrived at 5:00 pm today, it was a winter wonderland. There were 10 or more christmas trees scattered throughout the room and the hallway, covered in christmas lights. There were white christmas lights all over the walls. The candles on the table and in the fireplace created the final touch of light that was needed. Six tables filled with six beautiful high school students decked up in their finest.
My table was lots of fun. We had Hans, Sissy, Shamsheer, and Ashley.  David never showed up :-( We decided each of the tables needed a name, so we named one the Couples Table, one the Jealous Single table, one the Improv Group table, one was Freshmen, the last one we couldn't find a common thread to tie through, so it was the Misc. And of course we are the Single and Proud of It Table. Or the Yearbook table, since we're all on YB.
The table behind Hans was having a riot, laughing their heads off, so we decided they couldn't show us up. Shamsheer counted 1-2-3 and we all burst out laughing as loudly as we dared and then laughed at each other fake laughing. We did that a number of times throughout the evening when we felt it getting too silent in the room. Ashley just looked at us like we were crazy.
A little background, Ashley is one of my best friends ever. She's the kind of person that has to have everything in line and matching (which is not me at all), so last banquet she REFUSED to take a picture with me because she was wearing a red dress and my shawl was purple. lol I thought it was funny. She was extremely embarrassed about it, but just couldn't bring herself to do it. Well, this time she walked in, and we instantly realized we were wearing the exact same shade of aqua blue: her shawl and the stripe down my dress. It was perfect. =D and we were happy because we got our perfect picture together in our matching formal wear.
All in all it was a fun evening. One of the better banquets I've been to because it was so puuurty and I just had a great time with friends.
Love you guys!!

New School Year - Half Over

Well, its a new school year to this blog anyways, since I haven't written on it since I became a Senior. But anyways, I realize I never write on my blog because I felt that everything has to be like some perfect essay since I'm "publishing" it. But I've had to take that notion out of my head or I'll never post again. Besides, several friends have told me I need to start writing.

Today has been a wonderful, peaceful Sabbath. My dad and I went to the coast on a walk, Larrabee park, to be exact. It was really neat, I found this little cleft in a rock right by the waters edge and just sat down to contemplate and pray. While I was there this little seagull came swimming around the rock looking for food. In the shallow water it would just stick its head down and grab something. Whenever it came up with nothing it would do this cute little high-pitched squawk in protest. As it started looking in a little deeper water it would jump out of the water and dive back in. It was the neatest thing! I wished I had my camera to video it, but life goes on.

Well, I hope I can start getting some people to check my blog again. I'm sure everyone has stopped now they realize I don't post anymore... but I do guys, I do! lol

Hittin' the Road

Well, I leave today guys. Embarking on a summer long adventure. I can't wait to meet all my new friends! Watch out Youth Rush, here I come!

Hitting the road one more time,
Leave my family and friends behind.
I sure would never do this for nobody but You.
String my guitar, pack all my clothes
Getting ready to head down the road.

Because you left Heaven for me
Hit the roads to the shores of Galilee
You gave yourself on Calvary
Oh Lord for me
So I've got to go and tell them what you've done for me

Sleeping on floors, in spare rooms
Short nights and long afternoons.
I sure would never do this for nobody but you
Grabbing my books and said my prayers
Getting ready to knock on some doors.
I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you.

So I've got to go and tell them what You've done for me.


p.s. Congratulations Connor and Maria for graduating!

Spring Concert

     God really helped me out of a predicament the other day. The Skagit Wind Ensemble had played several pieces for church on Sabbath, and we had the Spring Concert that Sunday. . Our band has been working on several really nice pieces that I was excited to share with my family.  I arrived on time, and busied myself setting up the percussion instruments and socializing. About 10 minutes before we were supposed to begin, I started looking around for my music and realized it wasn't there. I didn't have time to really look for it before the concert started. Fortunately someone had another copy of my music for the opening piece. Then I went to sit with the SAA Choir while the 6-8th grade band performed a couple pieces.
     I was really freaking out about not having my music, and I kept praying "Dear God, please help there to be some way I can get the music!"  Then I saw Mr. Wilson, a friend's dad,  sitting towards the back, and remembered that he had a key to the church. So I ran over and explained my situation. He immediately got up and took me in his car over to the church to look for my music DURING the program. I found my music folder fairly easily - behind something, out of view, where I had so genius-ly put it.  Then we headed back over to the school.
     To get from the church to the school, we have to cross 2 lanes of a busy highway, which usually makes the trip a bit longer. I prayed again, "God, please let there be a break so we can make it back in time for me to sing." Sure enough, we hardly had to pause 5 seconds before there was an opening in both lanes. Mr. Wilson dropped me off at the front door of the gym, and I ran in. The choir was already up front, but they weren't singing yet. My friend Jojo motioned frantically for me to come up. I ran down the side aisle and slipped into place just before the choir director got settled.
     It was beautifully ironic: The first song we sang was Praise the Lord, a happy, festive song, and the next song we sang was Jesus Loves Me.   I sang with all my heart because I could really feel that it was true. 
    Some things in life don't seem like that big of a deal looking at them from the outside, or from later on. But at that time, I was simply overjoyed and thankful to God. 

     There have been times when I have been so discouraged with life, but especially with my relationship with Jesus. I want to have a deep connection with Him, and read my Bible every day, and pray all the time, and practice self control in my life... but I just couldn't do it! I knew I couldn't, and that's why I kept praying, "Lord, help me! Put a desire in my heart to spend time with you every day and the discipline to follow through." I would get so disappointed and discouraged when I wasn't making Jesus a priority in my life when I wanted to. I really did!! I looked at this as maybe a character flaw that I was unable to conquer, or even that God was breaking His promises by not answering my prayers. But, praise the Lord, He knows what is best and how things will work out.
     "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in me will complete it till the day of Jesus Christ." [Philippians 1:6] He didn't leave me there to suffer in my frustration. Jesus lead me to a place where He knew I would grow, learn, and flourish in His love. Youth Rush has changed my walk with God, just like He knew it would. My prayer was answered! Not only that one, but also the one I prayed and have prayed since 8th grade. "Lord, please don't let this fire inside me die." It was the sincerest of prayers, and God has seriously made it happen in my life, for which I am so grateful! He has added so much heat to the fire, yet its more sincere,and not just like an infatuation. Jesus changed my desires and my interests in life. I can see the divine intervention in the workings of my mind, and it makes me so excited!
      God has definitely led me to where I am now, and I know He will lead me in the future. As I go back to Youth Rush for my 2nd summer, keep me in your prayers. Not just that I grow in Jesus, but also for the people I meet and the friends I make.  I can't wait to see what He has planned for me this time!